Saambar Salsa : 30 Smothering Seconds

These days I dont drink soft drinks anymore. Somehow I have developed an apathy towards it. It's not that I've totally quit it but what I mean to say is, I dont drink as much as I used to. Before leaving Kolkata my dad said "Kerala is the place for coconut, drink coconut water instead of water...it's good for health...lol". Just like all the other advices I nodded my head with agreement to that as well. So many things your parents tell u to do since the day they understood that you can respond to their directions to some extent. I wish I could invent a way so I could give a 'I-dont-understand-your-point' look other than being certified as a socially Retarded . That way you could ignore all the BS that you manager gives you at your work , you girlfriend gives you day in and day out, your 'friend' who says he's actually giving a +ve feedback but actually he understood that his way of doing stuffs aint betta' than yours and last but not the least ... your parents.

In Kerala what I found out is that, Green Coconuts are not cheap at all, probably costliest in the whole country. Reason being it's one of their major source income. So they dont cut green coconuts for the water part, they let those hang till they become daddies and can help them produce 'kokonut-oil', with which they can play with the stomachs,noses and hair and what nots of the people from the rest of the world . If you have eva' tasted something made-up of coconut, you'll understand what I'm talkin' about. Even they serve dishes prepared with coconut-oil at resorts !! During a team outing we went to a resort called 'Isola-di-coco' which means Island of coconuts ( so I hope you can understand how desperate Keralites are in holding on to coconuts that they've named a marvellous resort after coco-nuts...yea nuts) where I almost threw up once I took whole dish of chicken wings which I though was something like I had during the early days of my life. But unfortunately the entire plate went to the bin.

The 'gay'-est thing you'd find out is grown-ass men apply coconut oil on their hair. They smell like Coconuts( Cock-o'Nuts) all day long. Can you believe this ? Probably they dont know there are brands like 'All Clear' which produce hair-oil for men as well, like as they dont know who Kishore Kumar is(surprised??....yea...guys....it's true... hardly anyone knows the legend).

During my training days in Trivandrum we used to have our Trainings at GAMA which is located at the basement level minus two in Thejaswini. Did you just notice that I wrote Thejaswini, not Tejaswini :P... Well that's another funny thing about them is that they call me AditHya 'cuz to them 'taw' (as it sounds in the name Tausif )doesnt exist, it's all 'thaw' (as it sounds in Thong...lolz), as they pronounce the letter 'H' as 'HEICH' , the letter 'M' as 'YUM', the letter 'A' as 'yeh' (dosti hum nehi todenge). I guess it's the force or the inertia that comes out from their core because of the total 'South-Indianism'.

Any way, let me tell you the story behind the '30 smothering seconds'. During one my training days I was coming up from -2 level to the ground floor. As you guessed it right that, a lazy ass like me wont ever take the stairs to climb two floors, I pressed the elevator buttons and was waiting.

The sliding doors opened and I saw 6-7 girls/ladies already in there. You must be jealous of me right? Like....''Adi....dude!!! lucky day for ya man...." Even at the worst case scenario one out of seven could be the probability of 'you know what I mean ;-)' but unfortunately It's Kerala so they maintained cent percent success rate in holding on to 'you know what I mean :-('. Anyway with a flat face I entered, the doors closed suddenly I could not breathe!! Everyone inside the lift were stinking collectively as they were portaying some freakin' team-work in suffocating me. Gosh!! I wish I had words to help you re-smell the stale coconut-oil smell which was coming from their hair. I swear to God I was suffocating, I could not breathe in, I was feeling like claustrophobic Robert Langdon from The Da-Vinci Code, who is not on a some kindda' weird symbol-mission. I smoke... so I cant hold on to my breathe for long and I was praying to god to make me suffer less. I told to God, "Dint you have any betta' plan to kill me ? cant you make it quick ? Dont you make me suffer like this for God's I mean your's sake...cmon Dude have mercy...."

The world was like an ultra-motion video clip which was being recorded at 20,000 frames per second. Slowly the elevator reached minus one level as one of those 7 wonders had to get down. Then I got the opportunity to inhale a bit of fresh air and again the doors closed and I was doing a count down untill I reach ground level. Held my breathe again, I hugged myself virtually by saying..."You know you can do it, and you know you are awesome...just another 10 seconds of this pain and soon it'll be over like a Dinosaur or Calamity movie from Hollywood"

Yes my friends it was over, I stood strong, confronted the smell with all of my strength of my lungs and the elevator reached level zero and I came out. I had a smile of a victor on my face. Yess I did it....I survived, inhaled some fresh air and felt the importance of preventing air-pollution. I could breathe freely...and realized, the world is really beautiful and thanked God for two reasons , one for helping me as I made it through and secondly for creating such a 'you know what I mean' planet .

Appendix :
'you know what I mean ;-) '= Beautiful
'you know what I mean :-(' = Opposite of 'you know what I mean ;-) '